


So Bad But Too Sweet

by Yeonni



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bunny Kook :D, Casual Sex, Confessions, Emotionally Repressed, First Love, Forbidden Love, Hwarang, Jealousy, M/M, Pre-Debut and Present Time, Prostitution, Smut, Song Lyrics, Switch Jeon Jungkook, Switch Kim Taehyung | V, Underage Kissing, Years Later, celebrity bromance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2019-01-01 02:44:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12146916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeonni/pseuds/Yeonni
Summary: [”So when we started pretending to like you, to make you choose between us...””Pretending,” Jungkook said, his voice sounding choked up.I love you, echoed inside Taehyung's head, pointlessly. ”Yeah, it was just a game,” he said. ”You can ask Jimin.”Jungkook dropped his toothbrush and left.]Jimin and Taehyung's plan to play a prank on Jungkook leads to something else entirely, but eventually crashes and burns to make way for Bangtan's debut, the stage, the fans, the music. Tae and Kook find their own ways to deal with the fallout, but Taehyung's filming for Hwarang and his new celebrity friends take things to a new boiling point.





	So Bad But Too Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> A story in two parts; one is short and cute, two is neither of those things really but it won't go anywhere too dark I promise :P One takes place pre-debut and Two takes place at some point during Hwarang filming.
> 
> As always, remember this is terrible terrible fiction. While I often strive to maintain some realism in my works, it's all just devil spawn of my twisted labyrinthine mind.
> 
> There's talk about a song being written and for story purposes Tae is writing it with RapMon. In reality, to my knowledge, RapMon was not involved. I don't want to take any credit away from the talented people who did make it.

One. Too Bad.

It used to be easy. Jungkook was an adorable boy and a child who hadn't seen much of the world when they met. Taehyung hadn't exactly known a lot either but he had the advantage of two years, and since they loved to tease Jungkook, he and Jimin could back up each other's entirely imaginary adventures into the world of romance.

Noticing how easy Jungkook was to scandalize, they went through great efforts to do so. First by recounting how many girlfriends they had, Jimin keeping a short leash on Taehyung's embellishments to make sure they didn't go too far and Jungkook caught on to the lies, and then detailing how far they'd gotten with each one. That project took several months, dropping information here and there, Taehyung and Jimin sitting together in corners giggling and whispering and making plans for what and how to tell Jungkook. They made sure to emphasize the secrecy, saying they didn't want any of this to leak, Jungkook couldn't tell the hyungs, they trusted him with these things because they were best friends. Jungkook ate out of their hand.

Then that became boring. They tried to figure out something else to use. One day when they walked down the street, playing and arguing and laughing, they passed some girls who pointed and giggled.

”What's wrong with them?” Jungkook asked, making big eyes like a frightened rabbit, seeking reassurance that he wasn't the one giggled at, the corners of his mouth tugged down.

Taehyung lifted his hand, which meant Jimin's hand also came up because he was holding it.

”Are you boyfriends?” one of the girls called, and her friends hushed her and dragged her away.

”Are you my boyfriend?” Jimin asked Taehyung.

”No,” Taehyung said, making an overly dramatic face.

Jimin gasped comically.

”Because I want to me your husband! Park Jimin, will you marry me!” He went down on one knee.

Jimin was laughing his face off at this point, while Jungkook stood shyly to the side, looking around like he wasn't sure he wanted to be associated with these dorks. But he was smiling, and on the way back Taehyung caught him casting glances at them.

A new project was born. It was carefully named 'operation secret love under the black rose' because it sounded cheesy enough and they had a black lamp in their bedroom which after the naming of the project made Jimin giggle whenever he looked at it. Whenever Jungkook was around, which was most of the time, Taehyung and Jimin would be stealing secret glances at each other, sit closely, touch each other. It became a game of chicken, where Jimin would put down a hand on Taehyung's leg and Taehyung would scratch the back of his neck and Jimin would lean his head on Taehyung's shoulder and Taehyung would smell his hair. Jungkook actually blushed at some of the things they got up to.

”I am not kissing you,” Jimin declared during one of their planning sessions.

The next day, playing console games with Jungkook, Taehyung kissed Jimin's cheek. It was the most hilarious thing because Jimin couldn't even show that he hated it, so he just sat there, going red. Jungkook stole frightened rabbit glances at them and pretended he hadn't seen anything.

After that Jimin didn't want to do it anymore. He said Taehyung was too annoying. They had a few weeks' pause before Jimin returned with a new suggestion. Jungkook was already on edge, he said, it wouldn't take much to freak him out now, so it was time to up the game.

The next morning, Taehyung brushed his teeth with Jungkook and stood so close their shoulders touched. Jungkook tried to move further away but the bathroom was tiny and he was furthest in already. By lunch, Jimin tried to talk Jungkook out of his shirt to try on another one, his eyes doing the drop as if by accident. Come evening Jungkook was reading a manga and Taehyung kept leaning in to see every other page, all up in his face. Jungkook went to bed and Jimin sat on his bed and talked to him for a bit, resting his arm on Jungkook's back. Passing each other before going to bed, Taehyung and Jimin high-fived.

They kept at it for a while. At first Jungkook was simply too freaked, but he got a little more used to the constant physical contact which meant they could up it a little. A ruffle of the hair here, an arm around the shoulders there, Taehyung managed to brush his fingers over Jungkook's cheek in a totally authentic way.

They'd thought Jungkook would get awkward and weird around them, and then they'd just break the news that it was a joke, and ha ha, the maknae would mope before everything went back to normal. The exact opposite happened. After the initial weirdness, Jungkook relaxed around them. He accepted the touching unconditionally, and eventually started returning the affection. They had long arguments over manga choices, and deep late night talks about hopes and dreams.

”It's nice to see you bonding,” Jin teased them, but maybe he was jealous.

Taehyung and Jimin had an emergency talk, although it was a very late emergency talk, because the whole thing had been going on for months and had more or less become normal behavior.

”He's gotten a lot harder to shock,” Jimin said. ”Maybe we've hardened him too much.”

”There must be ways still,” Taehyung had insisted. ”What could we do?”

So a final plan had hatched, and Taehyung was chosen to put it into action because Jimin was worse at acting. They put it in motion right away that evening, pretending to get into a fight and turning to Jungkook to resolve it.

Jungkook didn't want to side with either of them. He tried to tell them that both of them were wrong and they should stop shouting, so eventually they had to give up. The next morning Jimin talked shit about Taehyung while Taehyung was in the bathroom and Jungkook smiled nervously but defended him when it got too bad. At lunch Taehyung kept bugging Jimin and picking on him. The hyungs told him to knock it off before he could get Jungkook to step in.

Another few days of that (driving the hyungs crazy, ”what the fuck is wrong with you guys!” Namjoon demanded when they threw water on each other) and the stage was set.

It was late. Jimin had convinced J-Hope to go practice dancing together, Namjoon and Suga were out somewhere writing music, Jin had gone to have dinner with a friend. Jungkook was seated on his bed watching anime. With headphones, as if he'd disturb anyone. Taehyung crawled into his bed, sat opposite him, which put him almost in his lap, leaned in and tugged the headphones off.

”Ah, hyung,” Jungkook protested.

”I'm bored.”

”There's only ten minutes left.”

”I'm bored.”

”Watch it with me then.”

”I haven't seen this episode, I don't know what's going on.”

Jungkook sighed and tried to take the headphones back. ”Hyung!”

”Do you like me or Jimin more?”

Jungkook grimaced at him. ”Not this now. Give me...!”

Taehyung held them out of reach and leaned in a little more. To not get Taehyung immediately in his face, Jungkook sat back with the back of his head against the wall.

”Hyung!!”

”Me or Jimin?”

”Why?”

”Because,” Taehyung said. ”Because we both like you best.”

Jungkook blinked, flattered and surprised and wary. Wary, but not suspicious. ”What are you talking about,” he said. ”We're friends, there's no favorites.”

”Jungkook.” Taehyung dropped the headphones on the floor and put his hands on Jungkook's thighs. ”Me or Jimin. If it doesn't matter, then just say one.”

”Aish, really,” Jungkook said, turning his head away, but even in the dusk of the room Taehyung could tell he was blushing.

Success. He sat back.

And Jungkook followed, leaning forward into his space instead, so fast Taehyung didn't understand what was happening, only noted sort of absent-mindedly that the kid's eyes had fallen shut, before soft lips met his in the most innocent of kisses.

He froze up, his fingernails scraping Jungkook's pants as they curled in on their own. Jungkook's lips trembled against his, the phone falling out of Jungkook's hand hitting his leg. Suddenly Jungkook was gone, stiffly sitting back up, cheeks the color of tomatoes. His eyes were darting as he took a shaky breath.

”You,” Jungkook said softly.

”What?” Taehyung asked, surprised that he remembered how to make words.

”I... You or Jimin, I pick you.” He glanced up, nervous but filled with determination.

Taehyung took one hand off his thigh to grab his neck and kissed him again. Not quite as innocently this time. ”Is this your first kiss?” he asked, letting go.

”Yeah,” Jungkook admitted, voice breathy. He chewed on his lower lip, and his hand found Taehyung's. Clumsily, he managed to weave their fingers together, and then he smiled.

Taehyung moved to sit next to Jungkook and fished up the headphones with one hand to not have to let go. ”Start the episode over,” he said.

”But i...” Jungkook sighed. ”Okay.” He looked around for his phone.

”It's right here,” Taehyung said, lifting his leg a little. The phone was lodged underneath.

Jungkook's eyes found the phone, and darted immediately up to Taehyung's face. ”I, um, can I have it?”

”Hm? Just take it.” Taehyung said, trying to untangle the headphones with one hand which wasn't the easiest venture.

Jungkook's cute little lips opened and closed several times before he licked them nervously and reached over with his left hand, because his right hand was holding Taehyung's, which meant Jungkook had to lean over and shove his hand down between Taehyung's legs. He was blushing wildly and Taehyung just watched, amused. So easy. Very careful to not touch anything he didn't have to, Jungkook got hold of the phone and pulled it out.

”We don't really need headphones do we,” Taehyung said, pulling out the plug, and grinned like a shark when Jungkook managed to look him in the eyes.

”Hyung!”

He tried to suppress the laughter into a chuckle but barely managed. ”Okay, so tell me what happened,” he said.

”I just restarted the episode,” Jungkook said.

”Yeah but in the last one.”

”Didn't we watch that yesterday?”

”Yeah but I don't remember.”

”I should have picked Jimin,” Jungkook muttered.

Taehyung dug his nose into Jungkook's hair, his lips just next to his ear as he whispered, ”Don't you dare!”

Jungkook's shy happy smile was the best.

They fell asleep together that night, heads together on the pillow, while talking about the episode they'd just seen and how cool that last fight had been. When the hyungs returned they woke Taehyung up and told him to sleep in his own bed, but they were too tired to really enforce it so he just stayed where he was.

The next secret meeting between Taehyung and Jimin went very differently from the previous ones.

”I don't wanna do it anymore,” Taehyung told Jimin.

”What, why?”

Taehyung shrugged. ”No reason, it's just not very funny.”

”Why, did he get upset?” Jimin asked.

”No, no I just don't want to do it anymore.”

Because Jimin was the coolest friend imaginable, he said, ”Okay,” and that was that.

Nothing really changed. They still hung out all the time, the three of them, playing games, dancing, talking, watching things. Just occasionally Jungkook would glance over and Taehyung would smile and the slightest hint of pink would creep into his cheeks. Taehyung kept trying to hug him and hold his hands, and in front of the other guys Jungkook would complain and tolerate it for a moment before pushing him away. When they were alone, Jungkook would steal shy bunny glances at him until he did it. Taehyung couldn't even count how many times they'd brushed their teeth holding hands because alone time was so precious, looking at themselves in the mirror, smiling. Taehyung would make a stupid face and Jungkook's eyes would glitter.

One afternoon they were alone in the practice room, and since no one was there to tell them not to they'd filmed a very crappy parody version of a sunbaenim music video, and then collapsed in a corner sweaty and tired. Taehyung was talking just to fill the silence, and when he looked over Jungkook was making those shy big eyes again, cheeks still red from the jumping around, looking at Taehyung's lips.

”Wanna make out?” Taehyung asked.

Usually one or the other of them just went for it. Put on the spot like that, Jungkook blushed even redder.

The situation might have changed, but teasing Jungkook was still one of Taehyung's favorite hobbies. ”Oh you don't want to?” He turned forward again. Sighed contently and looked up at the ceiling. When he glanced again, Jungkook's obsession had moved on to his neck.

”Hyung,” he said finally.

”Mm?” Taehyung said. Jungkook leaned forward, drawn closer by some invisible force, but when he looked read to take the dive, Taehyung said, ”What?” stopping him.

”Nothing,” Jungkook said.

They sat for a while longer. Taehyung talked about this dog he'd seen on the way to the practice room, and how Jimin kept...

”Hyung!” annoyed now.

”Yes?”

”We don't have a lot of time,” Jungkook said.

”Until what?”

”Alone, I mean, we don't have a lot of time to ourselves.”

”No, the hyungs are everywhere these days. Even when I'm in the bathroom, Hoseok-hyung keeps charging in there like...”

”Please kiss me.”

Taehyung's eyes widened, Jungkook shakily drew for breath. Taehyung let him hang for a second more. ”Oh, so now you want to make out,” he said.

Angry, Jungkook hit his leg. Decided he was more angry and hit his arm and his shoulder and virtually rained down a wave of very gentle abuse before he got up.

”Hey! Hey wait.” Taehyung got up too and chased him down, taking his arm. ”I'm sorry.”

”How can you waste time teasing me!” Jungkook demanded. ”Hyung, we have so little time together, and you rather piss me off than...!”

He was actually going to cry, Taehyung realized. ”Than what?” he hurried to say.

Jungkook frowned and stared into the floor. ”Be with me.”

”I am with you, I just love teasing you _because_ I love being with you,” Taehyung said. ”It's fine, no one is going to come here for a while.”

”No, I...” Jungkook took a step closer, carefully took his hands and put them on his own tiny waist. ”Be with me,” he said, shyly lifting his gaze to meet Taehyung's.

Taehyung lost all air. Lost about all sense, and when the little that was left tried to say something Jungkook kissed him. Brave little bunny. All his. He wrapped his arms around Jungkook and hugged him close and felt Jungkook smile into the kiss.

Certain things would stay with Taehyung forever. Jungkook sitting in his lap pulling his shirt over his head. Running his palms up Jungkook's arms, pushing them against the floor over Jungkook's head. Of course, Jungkook's eyes, filled with trust and want, nothing but him.

Then there was the unforgettable moment of Jin and Namjoon entering the room and finding them like that, shirtless, pants unbuttoned, Taehyung's lips on Jungkook's neck. After the initial scrambling and shouting and embarrassment, Taehyung trying his best to shield Jungkook from the worst of it, Jungkook was dragged back to the dorm by Namjoon while Jin stayed with Taehyung, like parents dividing up the unruly kids.

Taehyung moped, hands in his pockets.

”What if someone else had come in here!” Jin demanded.

”We're never alone at the dorm, where else would we be,” Taehyung defended himself.

”How about nowhere?”

Yeah, right.

”Taehyung, he's fifteen.”

”So,” Taehyung countered defiantly. Best comeback in history.

Jin looked into his eyes. ” _Fifteen,_ ” he said slowly.

”I'm not a... a pervert...” Taehyung started, blushing with indignation, reality starting to catch up with him. Weren't they both underage, so what did it matter.

”Is this what you want your sister to get up to, when she's fifteen?” Jin said.

And that was so not fair, except it was totally fair. Taehyung was starting to feel ashamed, on top of everything else. Jungkook was his friend, a small and cute little friend maybe, but still a friend and he'd forgotten about the age difference, and anyway two years was nothing... right?

”Not to talk about, what will you do when we debut?” Jin asked. ”You're going to risk kissing when there's people filming you and taking photos of you everywhere? We're working hard to achieve our dream right now. This is your dream right?”

”Yes, oh my god,” Taehyung said, because way to be overdramatic.

”Jungkook is working so hard for this,” Jin said. ”He's giving up any chance at a normal life, because this is what he wants, more than anything else. You're going to destroy that dream?”

”No! Of course not!”

”But that's what you're doing,” Jin said. ”Sneaking around, being afraid of being found out, and you're both young and new, you will be found out. Heck, you already were. You can't protect him, not like this. You think he's going to thank you, later on, that you ruined his life for a couple of kisses?”

”I'm not... I don't want to...” Taehyung turned his back on Jin because the serious look on Jin's face only made him feel worse.

Jin took his arm and turned him back. ”You have to face reality, Taehyung. If nothing else you'll have to face it when your faces are on every tabloid and your parents are calling wondering if the horrible things they say about their children are true.”

”What do you want me to say!” Taehyung demanded, pushing his hand away as if he could push away the facts that easily.

”That you'll not continue this,” Jin said. ”Are you in love?”

”I... no, I, we haven't talked about that, like that...”

”Good, then it's easier. You had a good time, that's good, now you're done.” Jin took his shoulders again. ”Tell me you're done, Taehyung. He's a child, it has to be you.”

The weight of Jin's hands felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders. ”Okay,” he said. ”We're done.”

”It'll be worth it, you'll see,” Jin promised, patted his head and left.

Taehyung sat down in the corner again and cried.

The hyungs didn't want to leave the two of them alone, so they managed to talk Jimin into chaperoning without actually telling him why. It was back to being the three of them all the time, Jungkook being dragged along every time Jimin went to dance practice, if none of the other hyungs could stay with him.

Eventually Taehyung got enough of it. He talked to Jin and Namjoon, swore on his life that he wouldn't get up to anything, and finally, finally, one morning he was alone in the bathroom with Jungkook, brushing teeth again.

It had been weeks. They met each others eyes in the bathroom mirror, tired and drowsy.

”I'm sorry,” Taehyung said.

”Did Jin-hyung give you the speech?” Jungkook asked.

”Yeah. Namjoon-hyung?”

”Yeah.”

They brushed teeth in silence.

”This is my dream,” Jungkook said, like he didn't want to say it.

”I know,” Taehyung said. ”It's mine too.”

“But, hyung, I...” Jungkook looked at him, big frightened rabbit eyes and Taehyung wanted to take him in his arms. He knew what Jungkook wanted to say, but Jungkook could become something huge, something amazingly awesome, and he wouldn't be the idiot who ruined it.

”It was a game,” he said, feeling like his stomach was being hollowed out with a rusty spoon. ”Jimin and I started it way back. Talking about all our girlfriends, you know we haven't actually dated ever?”

Jungkook's eyes were filling up with confusion.

”And then pretending to be into each other, you were so weirded out.” Thinking back, maybe he hadn't been weirded out as much as... jealous. ”So when we started pretending to like you, to make you choose between us...”

”Pretending,” Jungkook said, his voice sounding choked up.

 _I love you_ , echoed inside Taehyung's head, pointlessly. ”Yeah, it was just a game,” he said. ”You can ask Jimin.”

Jungkook dropped his toothbrush and left.

Nothing was easy after that. Taehyung told Jimin at least part of the truth; that Jungkook had found out about the game and was upset with Taehyung, and Jimin helped him patch things up over the following weeks and months. Things got crazy around debut and there were so many things to do and pay attention to, everything else faded into the background; nothing seemed as important anymore when you barely got a few hours of sleep.

Rarely, suddenly for no reason, that shy bunny look would come into Jungkook's eyes when he looked at Taehyung. If Taehyung ignored him he got unsettled and irritable and whined for hours about some random small thing Yoongi did six months ago. Instead, Taehyung learned that the best way to deal with it was to smile and nudge his shoulder and be his friend, play games with him or sic Jimin on him.

As the months became years, Jungkook grew up. Not so much a tiny bunny anymore but a full grown man, by far stronger than Taehyung, capable of simply picking Taehyung up and depositing him elsewhere when he was too annoying. The shy bunny looks became fewer and fewer. The past faded away as they threw themselves into their new lives as BTS and the sweet success that eventually followed.

 

 

 

 

Two. Too Sweet.

Jungkook pushed his hair back and buttoned his pants. He could see the guy watching him from the bed. ”You really look a lot like him,” the guy said.

”I know,” Jungkook said, checking his face in the mirror. The make-up held. Thank god for water-proof eyeliner.

”Must make you a lot of money. Can't be a gay in the country who'd say no that guy.”

Jungkook smiled at him. ”It does,” he confirmed, crawling onto the bed. ”And speaking of.”

”Yeah,” the guy said, reaching for his pants on the floor and pulling out his wallet. A stack of money changed hands.

”Thanks, love,” Jungkook said, planting one last kiss on the guy's lips. ”See you around, hey?”

”You should list under his name,” the guy said, still stuck on the subject. ”Jeon Jungkook. Imagine people's faces when they saw it.”

”I don't want to cause trouble for the guy,” Jungkook said, pulling on his jacket. ”He is paying my bills after all.” He waved the money before putting it in his pocket.

”Take care going home, honey,” the guy said. ”It's dark.”

Jungkook picked up the paper bag he'd dropped by the hotel door and left. As soon as he was outside he pulled up the hood of the jacket and put on his mask. Sunglasses would only make him look suspicious in the darkness. He took the bus into town, went into a store he knew had no cameras in the changing rooms and switched clothes and jacket and stuffed the old back into the paper bag. Then he walked back to the dorm.

”Another shopping trip?” Hoseok questioned when he came inside. ”You're going to be broke before you're thirty.”

Jungkook hurried to step out of the shoes and push them behind himself so Hoseok wouldn't see them. ”You're not at practice?”

”I just came back to fetch my phone.” Hoseok said, passing him. ”Whoa, what is that perfume?”

”Probably a mess, I tried a few at the store,” Jungkook said.

”Very _fifty shades of_ ,” Hoseok grinned and left.

Jungkook showered again. The hotel shower had for some reason been out of soap, which was why Hoseok had smelled that cheap trash perfume on him. He hated it. Just like he hated the tasteless pants and the feel of the shirt and the jacket and, god, most of all the shoes. Next time he had to bring a bigger bag so he could take a change of shoes. For now he stashed the shoes under some of his sweaters. The jewelry he'd worn went into a saline solution and would stay there overnight before he could wear it again. He needed to take the bag of clothes out but that could wait a moment, he was starving.

He made a cup of ramen and crawled into bed and checked the app. The guy had given him five stars. Satisfied, he sipped ramen soup and called Namjoon to ask if he could come down to the studio and hear the song now, or if hyung still refused to show him.

 

”Come back here!”

Taehyung laughed and tried to roll out of bed, but Minho wrestled him and lay on top of him to make him stay in place.

”Hyung,” Taehyung complained. ”I can't breathe!”

”You're fine,” Minho said dismissively. ”Stay. You never stay, just this once, stay.”

Taehyung smiled up at him, trapped, not sure what to do. ”Aw, hyung, c'mon.”

”Not the whole night, just for an hour or two.” Minho winked at him. ”We can go through the script again?”

”I need to go back,” Taehyung said.

”For what?”

Taehyung sighed, trying to think of something that was important and time critical and... ”I promised Namjoon-hyung to help him with the song.”

”You can do that later,” Minho said.

”But...”

”I'll let you be on top this time.” Minho rolled them over, undulated under him while spreading his legs suggestively, smiling. ”Hansung,” he said, looking into Taehyung's eyes. ”My beautiful flower knight.” He was using the old polite form.

Taehyung started laughing.

”I give myself to you. Won't you take me?” Minho asked, and Taehyung kissed him to make him shut up. When he stopped, Minho's cock was hardening against his leg and Minho whispered against his neck, ”you always fuck me so good, Kim Taehyung.”

So Taehyung stayed. Minho was rough and demanding both fucking and being fucked, but it was only with Taehyung's cock buried deep inside him as he came, hands clawing the sheets, that he whispered, whimpered really, Taehyung's name with the softness of a kitten while his cum streaked his stomach. He tipped his head back revealing that long neck when Taehyung started fucking him again, moaning with oversensitivity.

”Come,” he urged. ”Please, Taehyung, hurry.”

Taehyung closed his eyes and slammed into that tight intense heat and gave him what he wanted. ”God, fuck,” he groaned as he fell forward and rolled to the side. Side by side they just lay there breathing, long limbs spread over each other.

Taehyung rolled up to sit, pulling off the condom.

”I would feel less like a cheap hooker if you stayed for five minutes after fucking me,” Minho commented.

”I like you very much,” Taehyung said dutifully, leaning over to plant a kiss on Minho's lips. ”Very cute, very sexy, very handsome, very...”

Minho shoved his face away, smiling. Taehyung felt him watch him while he left to go to the bathroom and came back and dressed. ”See you next week, hyung?” he asked, struggling with the bracelet.

”Come here.” Minho reached out and helped him tie the bracelet on. ”We're in Japan next week.”

”Okay.”

”I'll miss you.”

”You'll find some cute Japanese staff,” Taehyung said, patting his hand as thanks.

Minho thought about that for a second. ”Yeah,” he decided.

Taehyung waved good-bye to the other SHINee hyungs that were scattered in the living room when he walked by. Jonghyun winked at him like he always did, and Taemin told him to say hi to Jimin. Then on the way back he decided to stop by Namjoon at the studio since it was on the way.

”Oh, hey, come in, listen to this,” Namjoon said the moment he popped his head inside the door. A short melody played. ”Something's wrong.”

”I think it should be lower,” Taehyung said.

”This one?” Namjoon pointed to the screen. ”No.”

”But like this.” Taehyung hummed a melody.

Namjoon paused and considered. That was enough to make Taehyung feel proud. Most of his ideas were discarded immediately, which made him wonder why Namjoon wanted him there with him at all. When Namjoon actually made the adjustment and listened through the segment again, Taehyung was chewing on his lip nervously, excited.

”Okay,” Namjoon said.

”Yesss!” Taehyung pumped his fist in the air.

”Calm down, it's just two notes,” Namjoon laughed.

”Yes, yes, yes,” Taehyung sang, getting up to shake his ass. Namjoon leaned back and laughed at him.

His phone rang. ”Hello?” Namjoon said. ”Hey. No. Yeah. No, not today. Okay. Bye.” He turned to Taehyung again. ”Jungkook,” he said. ”He's getting too impatient.”

”Never show him the song,” Taehyung said.

Namjoon laughed again. ”We probably should, eventually,” he said. ”I know why I'm not showing it to him, but why don't you want me to?”

”Because it bothers him,” Taehyung grinned. ”Yesterday he was whining at me like, does Namjoon-hyung not trust me? Why won't he show me?”

Namjoon laughed. ”Don't tease him too much, it's still a while before it's done.”

”Have you made any more changes to the lyrics?”

”I promised I'd discuss it with you if I needed to,” Namjoon said. ”Now get out of here and let me work.”

Taehyung waved and left.

He needed a shower. Going that way, he met Jungkook in the hallway with a paper bag full of clothes. ”Hey,” he said, ”where are you going?”

”Just throwing out some old clothes,” Jungkook mumbled.

”Oh, which ones?” Taehyung took the bag.

Jungkook tore it away from him.

”Hey, that better not be any of my stuff!” Taehyung warned him.

”Your perfume sucks!” Jungkook said stubbornly and went out the door.

What perfume? Taehyung stuck his tongue out at him, although Jungkook was already gone, and went to shower.

 

A week later Jungkook stood in the living room watching Taehyung and Jimin argue, Taehyung desperately trying to touch Jimin because that was what he did when trying to appease someone, hands all over everything, smiling and trying to look harmless. Of course soon Taehyung came to him for support which meant touching him too, so Jungkook picked him up and dumped him on the couch and told him to stop being annoying. It caused the wrapper of that gum he'd chewed earlier to fall out of his pocket though, and when he left, Taehyung took a moment out of the arguing to call him back.

”Jungkook, pick that up, you know hyung will go looking for culprits.”

It was rare that Taehyung scolded him or ordered him around in any way. He picked the trash up, knowing exactly which hyung Taehyung referenced, and shut himself in his room. Pulled up the app and flipped the switch from offline to online and watched notifications pop up one by one, one of them was at a perfect distance, not too close but not too far. He opened the message window.

_In 45 min?_

Almost instantly he got back, _Kind of pricey, yeah?_

 _Non-negotiable_ , he typed, annoyed already. Like many others, he had the standard rate on his profile, in code of course since this was a respectable dating app. So why even contact him if the price was too high.

_Alright._

_Cash,_ he added, to be sure.

_Always. No jewelry pls. Do you rim?_

He considered. Did he? _It'll cost you extra_ , he decided.

_Fair enough. See you there._

_See you there,_ he sent.

No jewelry was one of the less weird requests he'd gotten. He took the earrings out and the rings off and met his own face in the mirror. Jeon Jungkook, no more no less, no makeup, no jewelry, no hair products, nothing. It felt like looking at a stranger.

After showering and fixing his hair he got the makeup case out from under his bed and made the adjustments that made this whole thing possible. A bit of eyeliner, a fake birthmark, some shadows here and there and he transformed into someone who looked a damned lot like Jeon Jungkook, maknae of BTS, but not quite. For safety he always put makeup on any identifiable moles on his body; his arms and legs, and painted one here and there. He'd had to search long and hard for makeup that held for this purpose, but it was worth it. Nothing was too expensive when it came to protecting the hyungs from his own disgusting habits.

He went to the third store this time. He had a rotation of seven stores, but it was inconvenient anyway. He'd considered buying up a stock of simple shirts and pants, but where would he keep them without the hyungs noticing? He put the cheap clothes in a bag from an expensive store that he'd kept from a shopping trip ages ago, headed for one of the safe places to change, and changed into them as well as the ugly shoes he'd brought and the old jacket.

The hotel was nondescript; Jungkook hadn't actually been to this one before. The door opened to reveal a guy slightly shorter than himself, tidy hair, slim face, about thirty-five. Looked close enough to the pictures in his profile, like most people probably.

”Make it here okay?” he asked.

”Fine,” Jungkook said, coming inside, dropping the bag next to the door as usual. He changed his voice a little too, tried to make it a bit lower.

”How old are you?” the guy asked, looking him over.

Jungkook threw him a disinterested look.

”No really.”

”I'm legal,” Jungkook said.

”Okay, okay good.” The guy turned and walked into the room. Jungkook noted the bathroom door and the state of the room. Clean enough. ”I'm sorry if that was weird, I just, you looked younger than your profile.”

”I don't care,” Jungkook said.

”Right, no, of course.”

”I get that a lot,” Jungkook said, feeling a slight hint of compassion. ”Some people get off on it.”

The guy gave a crooked smile. ”A lot of assholes, huh.”

”It's not like you'd want anyone to know what we're doing already,” Jungkook said matter-of-factly. ”So what does it matter.”

”It does matter.” The guy allowed him to close in and take his arms, but then hesitated. ”Jay,” he said, using the profile name on the app, ”listen, if you're underage... I need you to tell me. I'm a father, I can't...”

Jungkook shoved him away. ”Fuck you.”

”No, I...”

”Whatever.” He turned to leave, full of frustration. He'd already spent too much time, maybe if he was lucky and someone happened to be really close...

”Hey.” The guy took his arm. ”Alright, I get it. No personal information. I'm backing off.”

Jungkook hesitated, wanting to leave but at the same time he was prepared, he'd gone through all the motions and now his body demanded the fix.

”Look at you, all tense,” the guy said softly, brushing his fingers over Jungkook's forehead. ”Let me take care of you.” His other hand slid down Jungkook's back, into his pants.

Jungkook shoved him again, onto the bed, tore his shirt open, buttons flying, and leaned over him to hiss between his teeth, ”Shut up with your bullshit or I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk home.”

The guy's chest was heaving.

”It says on my profile,” Jungkook said, unbuttoning his own shirt slowly, sitting on the guy's arms and not letting him move. ”I don't bottom. Non-negotiable. But then there's always assholes like you, they see a young kid, they think they can do whatever the fuck they want.” He took the shirt off, threw it aside and flexed his muscles. ”It's an easy mistake. One I'm happy to correct for you.”

 

Taehyung yawned. He was bored again and Jimin was tired of his bullshit. ”Hyung!” he called. ”Where did Jungkook go?”

”I don't know,” Hoseok called back.

”What about Jin-hyung?”

”I don't know!”

”Shut up!” Yoongi called.

Taehyung chuckled to himself and opened his contact list. Minho was out of town. Hm. The next name on his list was however a perfectly viable option. He called Minjae.

”Hey hyung, what's up,” Minjae answered.

”Wanna get coffee?” He wasn't sure how Minjae's work schedule looked, he didn't know much about what actors did while not on set of something, but it was worth a try.

”Oh, um, sure,” Minjae said.

Thirty minutes later they were drinking coffee at a place of Minjae's choice, chatting and laughing. Thirty minutes after that Taehyung was walking around Minjae's apartment, wowing at the beautiful art on his walls.

”Your place is so grown up,” Taehyung said.

Minjae laughed shyly.

”And all this space all to yourself. But doesn't it get lonely?”

”Sometimes, but I like being alone too,” Minjae said. ”Doesn't it drive you crazy to have people around all the time?”

”I think I'm the one that drives them crazy,” Taehyung grinned. ”Ooh, this one!” He stopped in front of a movie poster.

”Yeah, I love that movie.” Minjae came over to him. ”Do you want something to drink?”

”Yah, you bastard,” Taehyung said, swinging his arm around Minjae's shoulder. ”You think I want to drink with you?”

Minjae's eyes widened with shock and fear. ”W- what do you mean?”

”I know all about your secrets!”

”Sangmin-hyung!” Minjae said, reciting the lines perfectly and with the facial expressions to match. ”Please, I didn't know!”

Taehyung couldn't remember the next line, so he kissed Minjae.

Very carefully, like he had the strength of a five year old, Minjae squirmed out of the kiss and Taehyung's arm and cleared his throat. ”Do you want something to drink, hyung?” he asked again.

”Sure,” Taehyung said.

They went into the kitchen and Minjae handed him a soda, that he drank while commenting on how clean everything was. ”Nothing is ever clean in a dorm,” he said. ”Even if everyone cleans all the time, there's always clothes and stuff and dishes everywhere.”

”It's because I don't use it,” Minjae said. ”I'm not very good at cooking.”

”Ah I miss my grandma's cooking,” Taehyung sighed.

”Me too,” Minjae agreed.

Taehyung went on to try to figure out exactly how long it was since he'd last eaten something home cooked, and while he talked, Minjae started smiling more and more. ”What?” he asked finally, while still not having arrived at a number.

Minjae held out his hand. When Taehyung took it, Minjae pulled him in into a gentle kiss, a real one not just their lips meeting. Minjae pulled him along until his back hit the refrigerator and they made out for a while, exactly how long Taehyung wasn't sure.

”What?” Minjae asked, feeling him smile.

”You even kiss like a romantic,” Taehyung said. ”You look like one, and sound like one, and your apartment looks that way too.”

”I have no idea what you're talking about,” Minjae said.

”It makes me wonder,” Taehyung said, digging his hands under Minjae's shirt.

”What?”

”If your bedroom looks that way too?” He felt the hesitation in Minjae's body, and lifted his shirt and kissed his way down his stomach, massaged the growing bulge in his pants before getting up again. ”I don't want to mess up your kitchen,” he said.

Minjae groaned, fingers tugging at Taehyung's shirt.

”And your living room is so neat...”

”Hyung, you're killing me,” Minjae said. ”Take it off.”

Taehyung held on to his shirt. ”It's cold here. But you know where I think is warmer?”

”God you're annoying,” Minjae said, took his hand and dragged him to bed.

Minjae made the most delicious little moans when fucked. Legs hitched over Taehyung's shoulders, face flushed with desire, he looked so vulnerable, so beautiful. Taehyung fucked him slowly, kissing him a lot, and whenever he stopped kissing him Minjae whined like he was denied access to air.

”Oh fuck, hyung, fuck,” Minjae kept whispering, and being called hyung lit Taehyung up in whole new places.

 

Jungkook showered and dressed. The guy was smoking in bed, he probably wasn't allowed to but who gave a fuck. ”Money,” Jungkook said.

”By the TV,” the guy said.

There was a brown envelope by the TV. Jungkook opened it and checked.

”It's all there,” the guy said, as if his reassurance meant shit. ”Does it bother you?”

”What?” Jungkook asked, knowing he'd regret it.

”To ask for it.” The guy was watching him, deadpan, like asking him that stupid question wasn't getting him off. ”The money.”

Some people handed him the money up front, didn't want to talk about it, rather not see the bills at all. They were ashamed, maybe, or thought it was wrong. Others enjoyed him asking for it, would even suck on that piece of candy for a bit, let him come fetch it from their hand or pretend they weren't sure they'd pay up.

Jungkook didn't give a shit. Once or twice he'd ended up not getting paid, but he didn't care. He rated the guys down for the benefit of other app users, that was all. ”Does it bother you to pay for it?” he said, tucking the money in his back pocket.

”No,” the guy said. ”But I'm a middle-aged married guy, what choice do I have. You don't have to do this, do you? So it takes a special kind of kid to get off on selling himself.”

Jungkook wished he was the special kind of kid who could take something like that on the chin and just stare back, emotionless, but he knew he couldn't. His face betrayed him constantly, to his great frustration. So he turned his back. ”See you around, yeah,” he said, like he always did.

”Whatever,” the guy said.

Jungkook grit his teeth, lowered his head. ”Bum you a cigarette?”

The guy picked one out of the package on the nightstand, put it between Jungkook's lips as he leaned forward, and lit it. Without another word, Jungkook left. As soon as he was out the door he took the cigarette from his mouth – filthy shit – and carried it with him outside and around the back. After checking for security cameras he changed right then and there in a shielded corner behind a container, threw the clothes and the shoes and everything on the ground, opened the brown envelope and put the stack of money in the middle, before he dropped the cigarette on top of the pile and stayed to watch the flames rise.

 

Taehyung rolled to the side, heaving a satisfied sigh, thinking he hadn't had sex this good in quite a while. Minho was comfortable and familiar but maybe not a perfect fit. Minjae threw an arm around him and snuggled into his shoulder. ”How did you know?” he asked.

”What?”

”That it was okay to kiss me?”

”I didn't,” Taehyung said. ”I've kissed a bunch of people that weren't okay either. But they didn't seem to mind.”

”You've kissed a bunch of people that were okay too?”

”Not a bunch,” Taehyung mused. ”A few.”

”I see.” Minjae sighed, sounding okay so at least he wasn't freaking out. ”Then I suppose I shouldn't expect you to put a ring on my finger anytime soon.”

”I'm sorry, I usually say this stuff before,” Taehyung realized. ”I'm not a monogamous person.”

”No, I already knew that, really,” Minjae said.

”Since you're a romantic...”

”It's okay, hyung, really. I'm an adult.” Minjae snickered into his shoulder. ”Your concern is very cute though, I appreciate it.”

”I don't normally even cuddle,” Taehyung said.

”You? You don't cuddle? Mr. can't keep his hands off people to save his life?”

”No,” Taehyung said. ”That's different.”

Minjae climbed half on top of him, snuggling in properly.

”Yah...” Taehyung said lazily.

”I better take advantage then,” Minjae said against his skin. A few languid moments passed before Taehyung stirred, feeling unsettled, needing to move. ”Hyung,” Minjae said. ”These other people that you... are they also idols? Actors?”

Not good. Taehyung scratched his head. ”I don't think I can tell you that.”

”I just... what if I'll be working with one and, I'll be standing there and not knowing...”

”Don't worry about that,” Taehyung said. ”They won't know about you either, you know, so it doesn't matter.”

”Is it women too?”

Taehyung met Minjae's big, warm, dark eyes and kissed him instead of answering. ”I have to go.”

”Hyung.” Minjae took his arm.

Taehyung's eyes closed, his body froze. He licked his lips but couldn't come up with any words. Usually it was easier than this. He'd smile and joke and play around and leave people with a good feeling, even if they didn't get exactly what they wanted. The first time Park Bogum fucked him he'd almost been afraid the guy wouldn't let him go, but a bit of smiles and buttering up and Taehyung slunk out of there like a squirrel on ice, and after that they'd hooked up twice more.

Usually they were older than him, tougher than him. Not cute kids who called him hyung and made big brown eyes at him.

”I'm sorry,” Minjae said softly and let go of him. ”I just said I'm an adult, and then I'm whining like a child. I'm sorry.”

Taehyung pulled on his clothes quietly. When he turned around to look, Minjae had sat on the side of the bed, back turned. All he saw was Minjae's lithe silhouette against the light outside the window. A graceful but strong back, head held high.

”Hyung,” Minjae told the window, ”I understand that you can't be with me, I just need to hear you say... you want to. You wished you could.”

Taehyung's skin was hurting, like it was stretched too tightly, he flexed his hands trying to shake the feeling off. Finally he gave in and leaned across the bed and pulled Minjae in. ”You're beautiful,” he whispered and kissed him gently. ”And I wish I could.” Then he quickly had to turn away so Minjae wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

He wanted to say something, something like ”I'll talk to you later,” but it felt stupid so he just left.

He walked the whole way home, keeping his head down so no one would recognize him, it took over an hour. The closer he got to the dorm the more he felt like exploding so he ran the last bit; ran as fast as he could until his lungs hurt.

 

”Hey, look at you!” Hoseok said the moment Taehyung came through the door like a storm, breathing hard and bringing a puff of cold air with him.

Taehyung wiped his nose. ”It's cold outside,” he said. ”What's up with you?” He sat next to Jungkook in the couch to untie his shoes.

”Hyung, don't come inside with shoes,” Jungkook complained.

Taehyung threw one glance at him. ”What's wrong?”

”Nothing's wrong,” Jungkook snapped and got up. ”Jeez.”

”Well,” Jungkook heard Hoseok say behind him, ”that was convincing.”

”What's up with him lately?” Taehyung asked, while Jungkook shut the door to his room.

”Who knows. Hormones,” Hoseok joked.

Damned Kim Taehyung and damned his own complete inability to hide his own mood. Jungkook sat on the bed, kicking the blanket out of the way. He should have known Taehyung would be able to smell it on him, or however the fuck he always knew.

He heard Namjoon come inside. ”Hyung!” he shouted through the door. ”Why won't you let me hear the song!”

Namjoon stuck his head into the room. ”Patience, young one,” he said. ”What's up, wanna go out and eat?”

Okay, so it wasn't just Taehyung who read his mood like an open book. He sighed and picked up his phone. ”Sure, hyung, what do you want to buy me?”

Namjoon slapped his ass as he passed him.

 

A few days later they did a short interview just before SHINee, and the sunbaenims stopped and greeted them and bowed. Taemin exchanged a few words with Jimin while Minho joked a little with Taehyung, and then they all paraded away when their manager hurried them on. They walked right past Jungkook, and he picked up the smell of a perfume.

It took him three hours to work out where he'd smelled it before, and then he went through Taehyung's things, meticulously trying all his perfumes and lotions, but none of them smelled like that.

”What is going on here?” Jimin asked, finding him surrounded by the stuff.

”Um,” he said, not sure how to explain this.

”You have a king's collection yourself and you still steal other member's stuff?”

”The Wednesday before last,” Jungkook said, screwing some corks back on, ”did Taehyung-hyung hang out with Minho-hyung?”

Jimin thought back. ”No?” he said.

”Are you sure?”

”Am I Kim Taehyung's assistant?” Jimin questioned. ”Is my purpose in your life to supply you with his full schedule and social engagements?” Then he considered. ”Wednesday before last is when Jin-hyung lost his phone, right? When it had fallen out at the salon and we had to take a detour back there to get it.”

”Yeah.”

”Yeah, Taehyung definitely didn't film then,” Jimin said. ”I think he helped Namjoon with the song, I saw him come out of the studio.”

So Namjoon could show Taehyung the song, but not him? Jungkook grit his teeth. ”Thanks, hyung.”

”That's it? No explanation?”

”Nope.” Jungkook replaced all the bottles and tubes in their original places and left.

 

Taehyung kept catching Jungkook looking at him. Curious looks out of the corner of his eye, stubborn glares from across the room, sultry glances between them in the couch while watching TV. He wasn't sure what it was about, not until one afternoon when the whole group was gathered eating takeout off the floor, in the spirit of old times, Yoongi and Hoseok arguing loudly while being laughed at by the others. Jungkook, leaned against the couch next to him, looked over at him and said, not terribly quietly, ”I know what you did the Wednesday before last.”

Taehyung's smile fell off his face. He stared blankly ahead trying to see if the hyungs had heard anything but they were much too loud and happy.

Jungkook leaned over, resting his head on Taehyung's shoulder and watching the spectacle in front of them. “Is it just blowjobs?” he asked. “Quick and dirty in some closet. Or does he take you to bed proper?”

The hairs on the back of Taehyung's neck were standing up, he was struggling to keep a neutral face.

”Does he fuck you? He would, wouldn't he, he's the hyung.”

”That's enough,” Taehyung snapped. He was a big brother, he could also take on a harsh voice if he had to. Jungkook's eyes had gone wide. ”It's none of your business.”

”Maybe you should tell the hyungs and see whose business they think it is,” Jungkook murmured, lifting his head so he could look at Taehyung, and Taehyung wanted to grab his defiant little neck right there and press him to the floor and... except the neck wasn't so little and Jungkook would just push him off.

He got up. ”Aish you're loud,” he complained, picked a few pieces of food into an empty box and headed for his room.

”Wait!” Jimin came skipping after him, shaking off a paper tissue from his foot. ”I'm coming too.” And when he caught up, ”What's going on? What did Jungkook say?”

”Ah that maknae. Don't you just sometimes want to...” He grimaced.

”Definitely,” Jimin smiled. ”It's a shame he grew so tall.”

”And so wide,” Taehyung added with a raised eyebrow, making Jimin laugh. ”Although wasn't he always taller than you?”

”Ah! Yah! Why are you attacking me now!”

 

Jungkook didn't exactly plan any of it, but at dance practice it got so hot and he took his shirt off, and when Taehyung glared at him he just decided to keep it off, taking every opportunity to slide by Taehyung's vision. They sat down to stretch a bit and Jungkook assigned himself to Taehyung. The next morning he crashed in Taehyung's bed, having handed over a phone call to Jimin and not awake enough to make it out of the room. Taehyung woke up an hour later, rubbing his eyes confusedly and asking him what the hell he was doing there.

”What's going on with you, are you and Taehyung fighting?” Jimin asked him.

”I've only been helping him out,” Jungkook protested.

”You're acting weird lately. To be honest you've been a little weird for a long time.”

”If it's a long time it's probably just the way I am,” Jungkook said.

”I dunno,” Jimin said. ”You know you can talk to me about anything right?”

They were sitting in the dance practice room, resting, water bottles in their hands. ”Can I,” Jungkook said.

”Safe space,” Jimin declared, drawing a circle around them on the floor. ”Whatever you say, I swear I won't spread it to anyone else, and I won't judge you for it.”

Jungkook looked at the invisible line on the floor. Safe space was a concept that started in the maknae line and had since spread into the hyung line, although the hyungs just said the words, didn't pretend to draw the space. Since they had a habit of teasing each other and stabbing each other in the back for fun, it had become a way to signal that something was not to be made fun of; that it was too important and sensitive. But they hadn't used it for a long time now. He looked at the invisible line and he wanted to tell Jimin, but how the hell would he start?

”Hyung,” he said, ”do you remember way back, you and Taehyung-hyung pretended to like me?”

”Ah yeah,” Jimin said.

”Back then...” Jungkook chewed on his lips. He'd never said what he was about to say. Hadn't even thought the words, then, much less spoken them. He'd gradually realized the truth over time. ”I liked Taehyung-hyung then. I mean, _like_ like.”

“Really?” Jimin thought about it for a moment. ”So that's why,” he said. When Jungkook looked at him with surprise, he continued, ”We were just doing it to mess with you, you know, it didn't seem so serious, but suddenly one day Taehyung came to me and said he didn't think it was fun anymore and wanted to stop.”

”Yeah the hyungs intervened,” Jungkook said.

”They did? I never knew that,” Jimin said. ”He was going to ask you to choose between him and me that night, and then in the morning he said he didn't want to do it anymore. I figured maybe you'd gotten upset; he didn't want to tell me what happened.”

Jungkook frowned. That didn't make sense. The night Taehyung asked him to choose was much earlier; they'd been more or less a couple for a while after that. ”When was it?” he asked.

”Hm, it should have been right at the beginning of the year I think,” Jimin said.

The snow had melted away by the time Taehyung had told him it was all pretend. Jungkook remembered it because he'd been thinking about how absurd it was to see all these green leaves and beautiful flowers come around just when he thought he would die. ”So in spring, when we had that giant fight about cleaning and Namjoon almost kicked you out,” Jungkook started.

”That was way later,” Jimin said.

”You weren't playing anymore.”

”No, we stopped that day when Taehyung told me. It was never meant to like, seriously upset you. You were just so innocent, it was fun to mess with you.” Jimin smiled. ”I'm sorry, but we didn't know any better.”

”It's fine,” Jungkook said without hearing himself. He felt strange, like some of the foundations of his life had been turned upside down.

”What does this have to do with anything? You're not still mad about that are you?” Jimin asked.

”No, no,” Jungkook said.

”Did you just say you used to crush on Taehyung?” Jimin realized.

”Safe space,” Jungkook reminded him, gesturing the circle.

Just then the door opened and Taehyung came inside. ”There you are!” he said. ”Jungkook, you left all your stuff in our room, when are you...”

”Safe space!” Jungkook said, drawing the circle.

Taehyung stared at the floor and the invisible circle for a moment, processing that at his own speed, then looked between the two of them. ”Okay, should I leave?”

Suddenly Jungkook saw an opportunity. ”No, hyung, sit down.” He patted the floor next to them. Taehyung sat down, making their twosome a little triangle instead, and Jungkook and Jimin joined forces to draw a new circle around them. It was a little silly and it reminded Jungkook of the old times, before they grew up and things became so complicated.

”Safe space,” the three of them said in unison.

”Okay, I feel like I'm in kindergarten,” Jimin said.

”Alright children, hold hands and let's sing...” Taehyung started, smiling.

”Hyung tell me the truth,” Jungkook said, looking at Taehyung.

Taehyung waited. Nothing more came. ”Truth?”

”Two Wednesdays ago, where were you?”

”Aish,” Taehyung said, squirming. ”This again.”

”What's up with two Wednesdays ago?” Jimin asked. ”Wait, did you ask me about that too?”

”If you don't tell me the truth, I'll just say what I think,” Jungkook said. ”I think you met someone. Like a date. Did you have sex also?”

”Whoaa,” Jimin said. ”Maknae!”

”How do you...” Taehyung sighed. Looked at Jimin and the walls and down at the floor at the safe space circle. ”So what if I did,” he said.

”Whooaaaa,” Jimin said.

”So did I,” Jungkook said. Both of them stopped to stare at him. He sat back, let them stare, leaned his weight on his bare arms and pouted a little. ”I'm old enough, I'm careful, it's not different from Taehyung-hyung.”

”You're dating someone,” Taehyung said, disbelief in his voice like Jungkook had said he rode pink elephants to school.

Jungkook shook his head. ”It's just sex. Not someone special. Just... guys.”

”Guys?” Jimin exclaimed.

”Um, yes,” Jungkook said. ”So is the person Taehyung dated. A guy.”

Jimin's eyes went back and forth between them. ”You're gay?” he asked Jungkook.

”Why are you only asking me things! I'm not anything,” Jungkook snapped. ”I just get off, it's safer than with girls you know, there's no... consequences like that.”

”It's that easy, just like that,” Jimin said. ”You find a guy, you... you what, exactly? You suck them? Fuck them?”

”It is that easy,” Jungkook agreed. ”I could blow you right here and now if you want, it's not a big deal.”

”It is a big deal!” Jimin protested.

”How do you even meet these guys,” Taehyung asked, sounding curious.

Fine. Because they were in the safe space, and because Taehyung clearly didn't believe him which was unbelievably insulting, Jungkook dug his phone out and showed them the app, his profile, everything. They didn't know the code on his profile page so he told them he charged money, just not how much.

”Oh my god,” Jimin said. ”What if someone found out! These guys honestly think you just look like Jungkook?”

”What if something happens to you?” Taehyung demanded. ”No one knows where you are, no one would believe you look twenty-two...” he pointed to the profile of _Jay, 22_ on Jungkook's phone. ”What if some pervert...”

”I can take care of myself,” Jungkook said. ”I'm careful, hyung. Why are you not scolding Taehyung?” he asked Jimin.

”I don't know,” Jimin said. ”Maybe because he isn't charging money for sex!”

”Whatever,” Jungkook said. ”You know what, screw this safe space.” He stood up.

Taehyung stood with him, took his arm and made him stay. ”Hold up,” he said. ”I just... what if something happened to you. You should have told someone.”

”It's not like I could tell you, hyung,” Jungkook said.

”Why not? You know I wouldn't tell. Jimin can be an ugly snitch but...”

”Hey!”

”... me,” Taehyung said.

You, Jungkook thought. You are the one person in the world that I really, really couldn't tell.

”Wait, I... I have so many questions I don't know where to start,” Jimin said, holding his head. ”Oh my god, Taehyung, you're dating someone?”

”No, I,” Taehyung sighed and looked around.

”Hyung I know you're seeing Choi Minho,” Jungkook said. He was somehow disappointed that Taehyung couldn't at least own up to it.

”How?” Taehyung asked, dumbfounded.

Jungkook forced himself to keep meeting Taehyung's eyes. ”Because I smelled him on your body.” He watched Taehyung's eyes widen in surprise. And awe?

”Aha!” Jimin said. ”The perfumes! I caught Jungkook going through all your scented stuff,” he told Taehyung. ”You were checking if he had anything that smelled like...” he trailed off, suddenly unwilling to finish the sentence.

”Then we met SHINee,” Jungkook said.

”You and your dog-nose,” Taehyung scoffed.

”Hyung, you could have told us that too,” Jungkook said, “but you didn't.”

”I'm not dating anyone,” Taehyung said. ”Look, it's... it's just sex.”

”Please don't show me any disgusting apps,” Jimin said.

Jungkook crossed his arms, trying to not react to the wording, and Taehyung's hand brushed his elbow lightly, encouraging.

”I like to make friends,” Taehyung said. ”I've met Minho-hyung a couple of times but it's just for fun.”

“So there's more people?” Jungkook demanded.

“Probably not as many as you,” Taehyung countered, gesturing at his phone. “What... who... why does that matter anyway, why do you care?”

“I don't,” Jungkook huffed.

“He's just jealous because he thought he could tease us with our inexperience now, and get back to us for three years ago,” Jimin said. “This kid never forgets.”

“I'm not some... expert,” Taehyung said, trying to tone down any comments on his experience. “It's just some friends.”

”Friends with benefits?” Jimin asked.

”Fuck-friends,” Taehyung smiled, and the two of them snickered together like school children.

”Mine aren't even friends,” Jungkook said, ”they're just fucks.”

Now the three of them snickered together, even though it wasn't actually funny, like all the nerves and shocks and confusion just got channeled into it, and they sat back down and laughed and teased a little, until each of them got stuck in their own thoughts and they sat in silence.

”Why do you charge money though?” Jimin asked, apparently having gotten stuck on that one.

Jungkook shrugged.

”If you need money...”

”Fuck, hyung, I don't need the money, it's not about the money. It's just an excuse,” Jungkook said. ”And I'm too good for those guys; they should pay.”

Taehyung snorted into a smile.

”I am,” Jungkook said.

”Someone's confident,” Jimin teased.

”You want to try it, I'll blow you for free,” he told Jimin.

”Whoa, no,” Jimin said, raising his hands. ”That is a little too far out of my comfort zone, even if this whole conversation has been... pretty far out of it too.”

Jungkook's heart was beating, it took every bit of self control he had to try to seem casual about it, as he turned to Taehyung. Three years and a string of meaningless fucks, some of them damned good, but still the only thing that got his heart beating like this was this hyung. ”What about you, hyung?” God help him he couldn't stop himself from holding his breath.

 

Taehyung watched Jungkook's fake nonchalance with a tint of sentimental amusement. Maybe what he said was true, maybe he was a shark out there, but in here he was still just their baby bunny and right in this moment so similar to that fifteen year old kid. It reminded Taehyung of another practice room where a defiant bunny boy had tried to fake confidence; a time over three years ago that felt like another life.

“Weren't you meeting Yoongi-hyung for something?” he asked Jimin. That was, come to think of it, the actual reason he was here, Yoongi had sent him over to send Jimin back.

“Oh!” Jimin jumped up. “Shit! Okay, we'll talk more later!”

“Later,” Taehyung said.

Jungkook didn't say anything. The door opened and closed. The boy was frozen in place, Taehyung thought, didn't even seem to be breathing. He placed his hands on Jungkook's thighs and leaned forward until their noses were almost touching.

“Me or Jimin,” he smiled.

“Fuck you,” Jungkook said and kissed him.

 

Kissing Taehyung was like coming home after three years at war.

 

Jungkook's hands landed on Taehyung's sides; curled around his body and hooked in his shirt. Gently, a little warily, Jungkook tugged at him, trying to pull him on top of himself. Taehyung took his arms and pushed them over his head as Jungkook laid down, sliding his hands over his warm skin. He was trembling slightly under Taehyung's body as Taehyung pulled his t-shirt up, up over his head but leaving it tangled around his arms. He planted soft, wet kisses down Jungkook's neck and collar bone and chest until his lips discovered a tight little knot.

“Taehyung,” Jungkook whispered.

“Hyung,” Taehyung corrected, licking his nipple into his mouth.

“Hyung,” Jungkook said, moaning as Taehyung sucked, shuddering when he let his teeth catch a little. “Ah, hyung.”

 

“For a fuckboy you're pretty sensitive still,” Taehyung mused.

Jungkook burned with shame at the epithet, but not without a sense of pride mixed in. Taehyung believed him now. Still, he needed to defend himself. “I didn't,” Jungkook mumbled.

“What's that?” Taehyung slid his hand down Jungkook's abs, playfully picking at the worn waistband of his favorite dance practice pants.

“I didn't, with them, it was just fucking,” Jungkook panted.

“So no one's played with you?” Taehyung asked. “No one's played with your body like this?”

“N- no,” Jungkook stammered, knowing his face was burning red. “I didn't want them to, hyung. I didn't want them.” Couldn't stand it, more like. Whenever they tried to touch him like this, gentle and commanding, his skin started crawling and he pushed them away. With Taehyung, it was as if all strength drained out of his body. He was fifteen again, never having even kissed another boy but this one, and never ever wanting to.

 

Taehyung licked wet trails around the abused nipple, happy about the pinkness, and moved to the other one, sucking it into his mouth hard and enjoying Jungkook's long, suffering moan. “Ah hyung,” he whined, writhing under Taehyung. “Don't,” he said but sounded entirely unconvincing. Taehyung kept an eye on him to make sure, but the fact of the matter was that if Jungkook actually didn't want it he could remove Taehyung without breaking a sweat.

Instead Jungkook was moving so much, Taehyung's hand accidentally brushed his crotch. “Oh? Jungkook, you're so hard already?”

Jungkook was turning his face away, trying to hide, blushing bright red.

“I haven't even really started,” Taehyung informed him.

“Oh god hyung,” Jungkook whispered in between ragged breaths.

“Alright, come up here.” Taehyung leaned down and hooked Jungkook's arms around his neck, sliding in between his legs, and sat back up, lifting the boy off the floor to sit in his lap. As he rand his hands up Jungkook's torso he let his thumbs catch on his nipples on purpose, enjoying the way Jungkook twitched.

“Kiss me,” Jungkook begged, lips red from being chewed on.

Taehyung let him have what he wanted, and Jungkook latched onto him like he'd die without, humming delicious moans against Taehyung's lips while Taehyung worked his hand down his pants.

“Ah,” Jungkook gasped, hips jerking up at Taehyung's touch.

“Mmm, so hard.” Taehyung closed his long fingers around him, jerking him off slowly, far too slowly for anyone to come from, he knew. “Jungkook, I love your cock, it feels so nice,” he cooed, “is it for me? Are you this hard for me, baby?”

Jungkook whined and rested his forehead against Taehyung's.

“Hmm?” Taehyung said, loosening his grip a little.

Jungkook immediately nodded against him. “Yes. Yes, only for you, hyung.”

“Really.” Taehyung sped it up a little, a quick little burst before going back to the previous pace, Jungkook buckling up under him and then letting out a frustrated moan.

“Ah, hyung, hyung,” he kept saying.

“Mhm?” Taehyung said, unable to resist the urge to tease him.

“Hyung!”

“Do you want something, baby? Hm? What do you want?”

“Ah please, hyung, please.” Jungkook was grinding his hips against him, desperately trying to force him to speed up, kissing him so hard he was basically biting him.

“Just tell me what you want,” Taehyung urged him.

 

Jungkook hid his face against Taehyung. “Please let me come,” he whispered, and once the dam was broken, a whole flood of words made it through. “Please, hyung, I need to come, I can't take it, please...”

Taehyung nudged his head out of the way and leaned down to lick at his nipple again, tightening his grip and speeding up, jacking him to completion. Jungkook felt it rising like a storm threatening to overtake him, to wipe out his sanity like a tsunami cleaning out a straw house. He held on to Taehyung because Taehyung was the only thing keeping him safe, and threw back his head as orgasm ripped through his body. He had to cry out or explode. Taehyung's hand got wet with his cum, gently stroking him out.

Since Jungkook simply tipped over, Taehyung helped him to the floor and kissed his temple.

“Oh shit,” Jungkook breathed. It was just a fucking hand job, and he'd come harder than ever before in his life. He blinked, somehow surprised that his eyes still worked.

 

Taehyung gave Jungkook a moment to recover before leaning over him, stealing kisses, eventually getting roped into one that lasted for a long time. Jungkook managed to untangle himself from the t-shirt, at last setting his hands free to roam, something he made good use of. His searching fingers went traveling Taehyung's arms, then his chest, then down his sides to his thighs, and back up, finally feathering the obvious bulge. Taehyung hummed into the kiss.

“Hyung,” Jungkook said ever so sweetly, tugging a little at his pants, “do you want to... um...”

“Do I want to what?” Taehyung asked, eyeing him.

Jungkook pulled himself in under Taehyung, spreading his legs. “Be with me,” he said.

Taehyung's chest rumbled an answer, but he paused still to make sure Jungkook was okay. That had been intense, and Jungkook seemed a little overwhelmed. “Here?” he asked. “Are you sure?”

“I've waited almost four years,” Jungkook said. “Hyung, I can't wait any longer.”

“Alright.” Taehyung planted one last kiss on Jungkook's chest. “Let me fetch...”

“No. Hyung. Please.”

“But...”

“Hyung!” Jungkook kept his open palms against Taehyung's chest. “Please. I... I don't want... that stuff, you've used it with the others, haven't you?”

That much was true, and Taehyung understood the sentiment, but without any supplies...

“Please, hyung, please,” Jungkook begged.

“Okay,” Taehyung said. “Turn around, on your knees.” A little awkwardly, like his body didn't quite follow commands, Jungkook got onto his hands and knees but sank immediately down with his head against the floor as if his arms couldn't carry him. Taehyung petted his back and nice round ass, wondering briefly if the kid could handle this, but then he reminded himself that Jungkook wasn't a child anymore and had done his share already, so he would know what he could handle. His fingers slipped into the crack and a tiny little moan escaped Jungkook.

Taehyung spit onto his hand and slicked up the hole best he could, Jungkook's cum still coating his fingers. Just running his fingers over the pucker made Jungkook's ass clench. “You have to relax, baby,” he said. “Just breathe. It's not as easy without stuff but you've done this before, it's...”

“No,” Jungkook said.

“You've never done this before?”

Forcibly breathing calmly, Jungkook kept his head down on the floor, ass in the air. “No,” he said. “I couldn't, hyung. I didn't want anyone else.”

“My silly, beautiful Jungkookie,” Taehyung said. He'd just have to go slow. “Trust me. Remember to breathe.”

“I do trust you,” Jungkook said.

“And tell me if it hurts.”

“Okay.”

With great care and patience, Taehyung worked a finger in, then two, stretching, finding the right place making Jungkook squirm a little. Before trying three he had to pause and remind Jungkook to breathe again, distracting him with kisses and touches, continuing to slick up the hole.

“Look at your pretty hole, it's dripping with spit and cum already,” Taehyung told him. “It's going to take care of me so well, Jungkook. You always feel just right.”

“Taehyung-hyung, please,” Jungkook begged, “I'm ready.”

So Taehyung got in position, so turned on that he fumbled and his cock slipped against Jungkook's satin skin leaving dirty wet marks on his ass. Jungkook rocked against him, urging him on. Finally he got the tip in place and took Jungkook's waist, and Jungkook pushed back against him, moaning, saying something, maybe his name, over and over.

“Breathe,” Taehyung reminded him, keeping the pressure slow and steady.

 

Jungkook's breath caught as Taehyung slid inside him, the anticipation having grown so much he wasn't sure what to do with himself now when it was actually happening. Damned Taehyung was being so slow and so gentle it was driving him crazy.

“Shh, breathe. I'm in, I'm really inside you,” Taehyung told him. “Fuck, Jungkook, you're so tight, so hot, you're so unbelievably sexy.” He stayed still for a moment to let Jungkook adjust.

“Oh god,” Jungkook moaned, hands clawing at the floor.

“You okay?” Taehyung asked.

“Yes, I, no, hyung, I can't...” Jungkook's voice was breaking. Just having Taehyung inside like this was overwhelming, he had to distract his senses somehow, had to focus on the sex not the emotion or he'd shatter. “Fuck me, hyung, I can't take it anymore, please!”

He didn't have to tell him twice. Taehyung pulled out, eliciting a groan out of Jungkook, and flipped him over. Spread his legs and pushed his knees basically to his shoulders, folding him in two. “I'm going to fuck you,” he said, pressing his tip against Jungkook's trembling hole and leaning down over him to take his face. “I'm going to fuck you so good,” he said, forcing Jungkook to meet his eyes. “And so hard.”

Please, Jungkook's mind whispered, fuck me up, destroy me, take me, mark me for good. He didn't dare say it because Taehyung was being gentle about his first time, but nonetheless his fingernails dug into Taehyung's arm.

 

Jungkook moaned as Taehyung pushed into him again, struggling to arch his back except he was stuck in place. He rocked back and forth, actually fucking himself on Taehyung's cock, eager and desperate.

Everything broke apart into impressions. Taehyung fucked Jungkook, listening to his needy moans, watching his hands cramp trying to find something to hold on to, hearing him plead and curse and beg. “Fuck me,” and “take me,” and “harder,” and “please, please, hyung, oh my god,” and then Jungkook's searching hands found his own discarded t-shirt and he threw it over his own face and crossed his arms over it too and moaned deep and long, muffled by the fabric. His cock was ready again, proud and thick and begging for attention but Jungkook didn't draw any attention there. Eventually Taehyung took pity on him and pumped him, carefully at first but it made Jungkook's ass clench so damned nicely around him, and Jungkook started begging immediately, “please, hyung,” and “oh god please let me come,” and “I can't, I can't,” so Taehyung sped up, fucking him in pace, panting with the effort of not coming himself as Jungkook's ass kept squeezing him.

With a whimper, Jungkook came again. He pulled part of the t-shirt away from his face to see Taehyung, and Taehyung realized he was crying, streaks of tears tracing down the sides of his face. “Come in me, hyung,” Jungkook begged, voice raw and weak now, while his body writhed with soreness, his hands shaking. “Please, I want you to, come in me.”

Taehyung closed his eyes and filled Jungkook up with his cum.

Spent, feeling like he wouldn't move for days, Taehyung managed to catch himself and roll over on his back. Immediately Jungkook snuggled in close to him, crying quietly against his shoulder.

“Jungkook, baby,” Taehyung said softly, petting his hair, “why are you crying?”

“I'm sorry,” Jungkook sniffed but couldn't stop crying.

“It's okay, I didn't hurt you did I?”

“No, I'm fine. I just...” Jungkook's hands were pushed against his arm like little rabbit paws and Taehyung took one and put it around his body instead, pulling him closer. “Oh my god hyung, I've been so stupid,” Jungkook cried.

“No, no,” Taehyung said.

“I needed you so much, I knew you didn't want me but I kept... I kept thinking of you, and the way you touched me, and I... I went out and fucked all those... I didn't actually want to fuck them, hyung. I hated when they touched me because they weren't you. I hate them. I hate everything about it, I burned the clothes, I...” he cried so hard he couldn't speak anymore.

“I'm sorry,” Taehyung whispered into his hair. “I thought I was protecting you, I'm so sorry.”

It took a few minutes for Jungkook to calm down enough to speak. He wiped his eyes and started looking embarrassed about the whole thing. “Jimin... said you stopped the game that night, when you asked me to choose between you,” he mumbled against Taehyung's chest.

“Yeah,” Taehyung said.

“Then why did you...!”

“Jungkook this, BTS, it was your dream. Our dream. We were young and stupid, we wouldn't have been able to keep it secret. And... you were fifteen. Jin-hyung said some things that made me feel like a total pervert.”

“Namjoon-hyung gave me this long angry speech about taking responsibility for the team,” Jungkook said. “But hyung, we weren't stupid. We could have made it. But if you'd just said that we couldn't be together because we should focus on the dream and the work, that would have been okay. But you...” he took a shaky breath to prevent more tears. “You said you'd been pretending to like me the whole time and I...”

Taehyung blinked tears out of his own eyes. “I know,” he said.

Jungkook was still shaking, but he sat up and wiped his eyes, cutting off physical contact.

Taehyung watched his back, strong and graceful, head held high, and suddenly remembered what Minjae had said. _I just need you to say that you wish we could._ “Jungkook,” he said. “I wished we could have been together. I wish I'd been smarter and braver and stronger and been able to protect you, instead of hurt you. I wish I'd stood up for us. And I really, really wasn't pretending.”

At the last words, Jungkook's head tilted back, and he took a very shaky breath and started crying again.

Taehyung hugged him from behind, resting his chin on Jungkook's shoulder. “I love you,” he said.

It took Jungkook a moment to manage to say the words. “I love you too.”

 

They'd dressed and Jungkook had finally managed to stop crying – how much could a grown man cry, he questioned himself – when there was a knock on the door.

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, who shrugged at him. Who would knock on the dance practice room door? “Come in,” Jungkook said, while Taehyung suddenly started studying the floorboards like crazy, maybe he got paranoid about any stains.

“Hey,” Namjoon said, sticking his head in before entering. “Jimin said you guys were here.”

“Why are you knocking?” Jungkook asked.

“He said you guys were working through some age-old fight so I should...” Namjoon looked between them. Jungkook wiped his nose hoping his eyes weren't too red. “Is there something I need to know?”

“Nope,” Taehyung said, hanging off Jungkook's shoulder. “What's up, hyung?”

“The song is done,” Namjoon said. “You want to take a look, Taehyung?”

“Sure!”

Jungkook watched Taehyung follow Namjoon outside. Maybe it was too much to ask, he said to himself, that this idiot considered the fact that Jungkook was _fucking dying_ to hear the damned song. And what was that about, they'd fucked, they'd cuddled, and then Taehyung just skipped off when Namjoon curled a finger, not a second look at him?

A wealth of new considerations came up as Jungkook wandered back to the dorm, feeling lonely. He'd brought up all his problems and his weird crazy obsession about Taehyung, and Taehyung had held him and comforted him and apologized. What person wouldn't apologize, when the other person was bawling his eyes out? Had Taehyung just said and done all that for comfort? Had Jungkook just been rewarded a pity fuck?

Had Taehyung left him over three years ago and never thought about any of this until now, when Jungkook brought it up?

He chewed on his fingernails, then gum (because he wasn't supposed to chew on his fingernails), and wondered how a person could feel so happy yet so conflicted at the same time.

 

“It's done,” Taehyung realized, listening to the song playing.

“What do you think,” Namjoon asked.

“Perfect,” Taehyung said. “It's exactly right. Hyung, you're a genius.”

“I think you're referencing Min Yoongi,” Namjoon chuckled. “So is it time to reveal it to the members?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung said. “But could you do me a favor?”

“You want Jungkook to hear it first,” Namjoon said.

“Oh? How did you know? You are a real genius.”

“No,” Namjoon said, “I just don't forget big and significant events in my friends' lives. Even if they happened over three years ago. Or fifteen minutes ago.”

Taehyung's gaze dropped. He'd told Namjoon the lyrics were about his family, and they were. Also. Along with other... things.

“We can discuss that stuff later,” Namjoon said. “For now, maybe you should get Jungkook in here before he has a nervous breakdown.”

 

Jungkook had washed up and calmed down and was in the process of eating a snack, staring at his phone. Technically speaking, no promises had been made. Taehyung's _I love you_ had sounded suspiciously similar to the way he always said _I love you_ , when it had meant as a band mate and friend and brother. Maybe Taehyung wanted to keep making “friends”. Today could be the first and last performance of “fuck Jungkook” in Taehyung's career. But even if it was a pity fuck, his insides felt different. Settled. Like a stone in his shoe that had gnawed on his skin for years had finally been removed.

Although he kept coming back to this one thing. Taehyung said he hadn't pretended to like him, but the end had been so abrupt, so complete. Taehyung had kept hanging out with him as a friend, not changing, smiling just as much and as happily, like the breakup hadn't bothered him whatsoever. That had been almost the worst thing, feeling like he was dying and watching Taehyung be same old happy Taehyung. Happy Taehyung who'd even been the one to comfort him after the breakup, somehow. So what if this was the same? What if Taehyung was just comforting him?

He'd been the only one crying then, and he was the only one crying now.

Jungkook chewed on the candy and tapped 'delete' and 'yes' and got back _profile successfully deleted_ . Goodbye, _Jay, 22_. No matter what happened next, he couldn't do that anymore. It had been insane from the start. Jesus, he'd thrown away or burned the clothes after every guy. He'd fucking disinfected every piece of jewelry. It seemed obsessive-compulsive, psychotic, now, from the outside.

“Jungkook!”

He perked up at Taehyung's voice filling up the dorm, and hurried out into the living room, carrying the candy bag. “What?”

“Come on.” Taehyung waved at him.

“What?”

“Song,” Taehyung said. No more words were needed. Jungkook jumped into his shoes and jogged down to the studio, Taehyung alongside him.

Namjoon let them in. “So,” Namjoon said, sitting back in the chair. “You've kept asking and asking why it was secret, and why Taehyung was allowed to hear it and not you. Well. Taehyung could hear it because it was his song; he's written it.”

Jungkook stared at Taehyung in surprise.

“And you couldn't hear it, because it's for you,” Namjoon said, and stood up, and left the studio.

“What?” Jungkook asked, staring at the door, and then at Taehyung. “What?”

“It's for you,” Taehyung said.

“But... you've been working on this for... for months!”

“Yeah,” Taehyung said. “Actually, for longer than that. Namjoon started helping me then.”

“We just made up today.”

“What?” Taehyung asked. “No, this was for you, already. I mean, it's not because of today.”

Taehyung wrote a song for him? “I just...”

“Will you just listen to it?” Taehyung pushed him towards the chair and stood back, looking nervous but excited.

Feeling like this was some surreal dream, Jungkook sat down. The text on the top of the screen read STIGMA. He pushed spacebar.

 

I’ve been hiding it  
I tell you something  
Just to leave it buried  
Now I can’t endure it anymore  
Why couldn’t I say it then  
I have been hurting anyway  
Really I won’t be able to endure it

Now cry  
It’s only that I’m very sorry towards you  
Again, cry because I couldn’t protect you

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper  
Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse  
Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day  
(You) who was punished in my stead,  
You who were only delicate and fragile

Stop crying, tell me something  
Try saying to me, who had no courage  
Why did you do that to me then  
I’m sorry

Forget it,  
what right do I have  
To tell you to do this, or that

Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper  
Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse  
Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day  
(You) who was punished in my stead,  
You who were only delicate and fragile

I’m sorry I’m sorry  
I’m sorry ma brother  
Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased  
Are you calling me a sinner  
What more do I have to say

I’m sorry I’m sorry  
I’m sorry ma sister  
Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased  
So cry  
Please dry my eyes

That light, that light, please illuminate my sins  
Where I can’t turn back the red blood is flowing down  
Deeper, I feel like dying every day  
Please let me be punished  
Please forgive me for my sins  
Please

 

STIGMA – BTS V (WINGS 2016)

(*English translation by @bts-trans)

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it!  
> Let me know what you think, good or bad, and if I should tag anything (these blasted tags confuse me) ^^' Thanks!


End file.
